Success

Now, I have been planning a massive blog post for some time now, and that will either be coming tonight or tomorrow, but in the mean time, I feel it's necessary to share this quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson with you all. My brother introduced me to it, I think, six years ago. It has been only recently when it really hit me how much we should all try living by it. Thinking of this quote will, on most days, really determine a lot of my actions, and it's really refreshing to know that you've done some of the things that are mentioned in the lines.

Obviously, it's not the only measure of success, but I think it really hits the important things, the deeper, not-so-superficial aspects of success. What I do know is that it would be ignorant not to strongly consider Emerson's words, so please, enlighten yourselves.

Tap Dancing =)

Start watching at 0:30. This is pretty sick -- wish I could do something like it. Yeah, I'm weird, but tap dancing is SO cool.

Feed me young children!

I know I haven't posted in some time, but I still have plenty to say. I'll be posting after Thursday, most likely to keep y'all updated.

In the mean time, I've been sick for the last week, and I didn't go to school today, and my sister sent me this conversation between her and my brother. I thought it was kind of cute:

(1:50:16 PM) Poorvi: btw ankit is really sick
(1:50:20 PM) Tinu: again?
(1:50:24 PM) Poorvi: after the weekend he stayed in the city
(1:50:24 PM) Tinu: is this a weekly occasion?
(1:50:26 PM) Poorvi: yes
(1:50:29 PM) Poorvi: he didnt go to school today
(1:50:35 PM) Poorvi: he hasnt gotten better since last week
(1:50:45 PM) Tinu: i thought he went away this w/e?
(1:50:50 PM) Poorvi: hes coughing like a monster
(1:51:01 PM) Tinu: feed him some young children
(1:51:02 PM) Poorvi: he did
(1:51:09 PM) Poorvi: lol
(1:51:10 PM) Poorvi: WHAT
(1:51:17 PM) Tinu: monsters eat young children
(1:51:23 PM) Poorvi: ok
(1:51:24 PM) Poorvi: go
(1:51:24 PM) Poorvi: bye
(1:51:27 PM) Tinu: you didnt know?
(1:51:32 PM) Poorvi: yes i did
(1:51:38 PM) Tinu: you know how many times i saved you from monsters when you were younger
(1:51:41 PM) Tinu: you forget now
(1:51:47 PM) Tinu: bc you were too young
(1:51:52 PM) Tinu: ah the good old days

Maybe that made you smile. Maybe that made you think my family is retarded. Whatever. I just wanted to share. I'll be back soon.

Much love.

Thanks.

Now, I know thanksgiving was three days ago, but I didn't get a chance to post on Thursday. Actually, I had many chances. I just wasn't sure how to word everything, and I'm still unsure, but I know if I don't post this now, I never will.

First and foremost, I'm thankful for my family. More than anyone, my mommy, my brother, and my sister, have been there for me at any time of the day, literally. My mom and my sister will wake up at any point in the night and spend an hour trying to wake me up so I can get my work done, and they never give up no matter how many times I burst out screaming. My brother has been there to hear everything that goes on in my life -- all the trials and tribulations of school and other activities I partake in, the fights I'm having with my sister, the girls I think like me but really don't (and he knows they don't but will listen as if I have a shot anyway), my weird philosophical beliefs, and really, just anything.

Thank all of you, more than anything, for accommodating me in my conversion to veganism. It may have started off as a small endeavor in July, but my diet has really become an integral part of my life, and my mom and sister have had to make different foods, use different ingredients, and learn new recipes simply to make sure my stomach is just as full as it was when I was a regular vegetarian. It has probably been more difficult for you two to handle my changes than it has been for me to make them, and for actually putting up with it, I thank you.

There's so much more to thank them for, but this post would be infinitely long if I were to really discuss it all. Simply put, there are more than ten times a day I should say thank you to them, but sadly, of those 3650 times I should've said "thank you" to them, I'm only taking advantage of this one. Hopefully within the next year, I'll begin thanking them more often.

Of course, however, my family is not the only component of my life. There are my friends, my mentors, and my teachers:

• Arpit - You've been there for me through thick and thin. You're really my family, but I had trouble deciding whether to put you in that paragraph or here as one of my best friends. 24 hours a day, I know I can come to you (well, maybe not 24 hours, but you're awake a lot of hours of the day, so really, during that time) and just ramble about the music I'm listening to or how badly my life is going at the time or how I want to change my life direction. When you're home, I want nothing but to see you. I really could care less whether I get another opportunity to kick your ass in tennis or whether we go out. As cheesy as this sounds, I really just like being with you. I've been blessed to have you as a cousin, and I'm really happy you never abandoned me as a cousin in the first ten years of my life.
  
• Naomi - I get angry at you way too often, and as badly as I'd like to stop, our fights are really what strengthen our relationship. I'm glad we've stayed friends over the last five years, and the time I've spent procrastinating late nights by talking to you has shown to pay off. You have been, and still are, an amazing friend. For everything we've been through together, for all those times after school you've waited eight hours for me to get my shit from the locker room, for all those times you've sent me your homework when it was 4 in the morning and I was too freaking tired to do my own work, I thank you. You keep me sane because I always know there's someone a little bit weirder than I am (and really, take that as a compliment.) Don't ever change.
• Greg, Matt and Eric - If it weren't for you guys, I would probably still be fat. I joined track and cross country because of you, and despite my hate of running, you've all kept me coming back to practice (sometimes, haha). You all may think I joined because of you and stayed for the perks (and I'm sure you know what I mean), but really, you have kept me going. You guys tolerate me when I start getting retarded in our little ping pong games, and I'm sorry you even have to do that. I just get impatient watching you guys play when I'm not lmfao. I don't know what my 3:00 - 5:00 PM Monday - Friday and my Friday nights would be like without you. Thanks for always being there.
  
• Rohan and Vivek - I don't even know what to freaking say to you guys. Despite our minifeuds and whatever, you're my second and third brothers, and I know we'll remain that way for years to come. You guys will probably always kick my ass in basketball, baseball, football, and anything that has to do with balls, but I'll still play with you nonetheless. It's sad we don't hang out as much as we should, but when we do, it never feels like we've even been apart. I was extremely lucky to meet you two - to have you as my almost-next-door neighbor for three years Rohan and to have you be in my sixth grade class Vivek. I'm sorry I couldn't spend Thanksgiving with you two, but my thanks were there in spirit.
  

There are plenty more people to thank, and by no means should anyone be offended if I didn't mention them specifically here. Even if I don't shout you out, I can guarantee you that I am thankful for your presence in my life whether it is a negative one or a positive one, for I've learned great amounts from all of you.

Just because it isn't thanksgiving anymore doesn't mean we shouldn't be thankful for everything we have and all the people we know and meet in the future. The holiday just provides us with an incentive to say it (and yes, the holiday is more than football, turkey, and getting fat). Hope you all had great thanksgivings!

Paul McCartney - Dance Tonight

I was just listening to this song all day today, and it made me really happy. Thought I'd share it with y'all (and I kinda just wanted to try this whole embedding YouTube videos in my blog lol).



Also, it'd be so cool if people were like that in America, inviting random people in for tea without having to worry that they'll rob them or do something creepy. Yeah maybe I'm weird.

Constant Awareness (or Unagi, as Ross would say)

Music: Modest Mouse
Current Agenda: finish Pride and Prejudice response; study biology; study spanish; write research plan for LISEF

I know I said I'd comment on the previous post, and I will get to that. However, I just wanted to post to thank my friends for being there. This is so cheesy, but I don't appreciate people for who they are and for what they've done for me, so I think this is kind of necessary. Just thought you should know -- anyone that has ever dealt with my shit willingly, anyone that takes time out of their day and pays me attention, anyone that reads this blog -- that I appreciate that. A lot.

I think to really suck in the benefits of everyday things, it's really necessary to appreciate everything you have. There are so many things we all take for granted, but once we think about how fortunate we all are, we begin to think about how there's so little we could possibly ask for. Everything we could ever wish for is right in front of us. We just have to open our eyes.

Much love,
Ankit

Social System

Recently, I've thought a lot about the social system that exists in my life. I'd say my friends vary along a very wide spectrum, for I try really hard not to stick to one clique. I like to talk to different people all the time, and in doing so, I think I get to incorporate a wide range of views in my daily thinking.

My good friend Ashley vented in her AIM profile discussing her thoughts on a similar topic, and I don't think I could convey it any better, so here it is:

i've been thinking of all the people i've become friends with and all the people i used to be friends with. it's incredible the scope of people that i have met and then of the people that i might never. it's incredible that because i take my friends for granted, losing one that i was not all that fond of seems like a miniscule issue, or perhaps it's the complete opposite. i mean, i have more to take his or her place. but isn't it kind of scary to think that i will never ever have the same conversations, funny moments, and tragedies as i have had with that one friend who i have lost? all the people that i used to talk to, all those people who i have had humongous, deep, conversations, the type of conversations that i strive to have with everybody, that the interaction i have with them can never be replicated? and that if i lose them as a friend, i will never be able to have those experiences with anybody else except for them. because no matter how much every single person in the world seems like a clone of another, they are all individuals. some are more unfortunate than others, burdened with the weight of wanting to be something they wanting, striving to become people they cannot be, hoping they can replace somebody in somebody's life. it is impossible to be friends with everybody, but pathetic not to try. or is it more pathetic to try? to make yourself likeable in every aspect, looks, personality, speaking intonations? then don't you transform from an individual that other individuals could connect with into a shadow that everybody sees and realizes is there, but cannot get close to? i guess that could mean that the boundaries and lines of groups and cliques that people wish could disintegrate are necessary. Because without them people cannot be unique. Or perhaps they are too unique. If you think about all the cliches and stereotypes people place on others based on their appearance, instead of wanting to break past those names and labels, people just want to flock to others where they do not feel different. Why would you ever want to be the same as anybody else? Would it not feel suffocating? Stuck in a rut of unchanging and unflinching conformity? But then the paradox comes of being different just because you dont want to be the same. If everybody is different, they are still all the same. Basically things are the way they are because they work the best that way. And to question them is to add unnecessary conflict to circumstances that have already been dissected to their current stage. Maybe this is the best weve got. Maybe striving for better will only make it turn into a cyclenever ending and never changing. Whatever you choose, nothing will happen.

I'm a little busy at the moment (11/1/07, 7:21 PM), but hopefully tomorrow or some time this weekend, I'll elaborate a little more on my thoughts of that. Between now and then, I'd recommend checking out what she wrote.

I lied.

would i put my homework aside to satisfy the needs of the people in my life?
would i rather play tennis with someone i see daily or go to lunch with someone i haven't hung out with in a year?
would i rather do what i need to to get into my college of choice or do what i need to to satisfy my personal goals in life?
would i rather fill my stomach by taking or fill my heart by giving?
would i rather catch up on sleep or tend to those who need me in my most conscious state?

i think it's time for a priority check.

If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I'm about to do today?

Day in review: Didn't go to xcountry practice (legs are cramping); napped for six hours this afternoon; woke up feeling fresh as ever and got all my stuff done pretty efficiently =); mom made falafels for dinner!

Music: Starting to gain an appreciate for some old-school Jay-Z

Thoughts:
In Steve Jobs' commencement address at Stanford in 2005, he said the following:

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

I read this speech a couple of days ago, and I think it justifies what I want to do in the blog from now on.

I've screwed a lot of my relationships up in the last few years, usually by being an asshole and making fun of somebody or doing something stupid. I'm really bad with confrontation because my ego won't let me take the blame for something, so I'm never really good with approaching a person and telling them that I'm sorry for being a jerk. Sooo, I thought I'd start apologizing for the screwups I didn't get to apologize for earlier in the day (I don't think I'll use names, but the people I've affected will know the apologies are directed towards them). I just hate having the weight of something negative on me. The way I look at it, this will let me start each day on a blank tablet, without concern for the previous one.

Not to sound crazy or anything, but come to think of it, something could happen to any of us at any given moment, so if I were to get into an accident of sorts, I wouldn't want to leave a relationship on bad terms. So obviously, the ideal situation would be to never get into fights/arguments, but that's unrealistic. The next best option is to resolve disputes as soon as possible.

Yeah, I don't really know where I was going with that, BUT I think you'd get the point by now; I just couldn't find any way to wrap up this post. I'm off to bed now. Much love.

the best response is none at all

so despite all the burdens i have on my shoulders that came with the package of junior year, i've been trying to be a lot more positive than i've been in the past (except for that last sentence). i get into a lot of petty arguments with the people i talk to most often during the school day and at home, so what i'm trying to do is whenever i see a conversation or relationship in general headed in the wrong direction, i try to pause and think about whether it's really worth the trouble.

i experimented with this a bit today, and the day just ran a lot smoother. i noticed a lot of potential arguments that i normally would've pursued just to end up triumphant, but it's just unnecessary and stressful.

i spoke to this guy once, deepak jain, and though i thought he'd be like any other indian dad and just talk about how things were done in india, i listened to him. surprisingly, he was very american, very modern, and he related to the current generation very well. he said something along the lines of "the best response to anger is silence. you'll never repent for your silence," and i think that's a really brilliant statement.

you might think that's obvious and easy to do, but you'll be surprised how tough it is, but once you get it down, it's really satisfying.

"Find out what it means to me"

I talked to the middle school xcountry coach for a short bit, and since I was out of the middle school, she had no problem telling me what she really thought of her runners. Teachers never really talk to me in a completely blunt manner regarding students, so this was the first time I heard one saying that a bunch of her runners "sucked," or that she could beat them in a race on crutches. Whenever one of her runners would start slacking, or even worse, walking, she'd get really pissed off, and I'd feel terrible, and I suddenly realized that classes are a teachers' life. Being stuck with a crappy class is really the worst way to spend your year.

So I reflected a little bit, and I figured that I might try to be a better student because, to be completely honest, I'm such an asshole in class. Not that I intentionally make things difficult for the teacher, but I talk a lot when I finish my work early. I talk a lot even when I don't finish my work. I bother them with unnecessary requests and questions. I don't make the slightest effort to make their lives any easier, so I think I'm going to do that. Teachers deserve a lot more respect than they get, and I think a student really just needs to hear the teacher's point of view, straight out and uncensored, to understand the extent to which they really need respect from their students.

I'm sure few of you cared much about that spiel, but I was just thinking about it, so I wrote it down.

Why am I blogging?

I thought about it recently, and I noticed that whenever I tell myself that I'm going to do something, I never do it. When I tell other people, I force myself into doing whatever it may be just for the sake of proving myself. It's bad that I do things to prove myself to other people, but it keeps me going.

I don't really know why else I made this blog other than to procrastinate studying for my biology test, but I figure whenever I'm bored, I'll write whatever I'm thinking.

I've been thinking a lot about will power recently, and I want to see how far I can go in restricting myself to a healthy diet, so my first vow (for lack of better word) is that I'm going to go raw foodist from October 14 until November 1. If you care to know what that means, check out welikeitraw.com.

UPDATE July 28, 2008: I never followed through with my vow. I did it for 18 hours on October 14 and failed because I didn't read enough into what the lifestyle actually entailed. Thinking back, the hurdle that tripped me up most was that I considered the diet a restriction. It's not about willpower. It's about how much you can stand feeling good all the fucking time. I love it.