October 21, 2007

I lied.

would i put my homework aside to satisfy the needs of the people in my life?
would i rather play tennis with someone i see daily or go to lunch with someone i haven't hung out with in a year?
would i rather do what i need to to get into my college of choice or do what i need to to satisfy my personal goals in life?
would i rather fill my stomach by taking or fill my heart by giving?
would i rather catch up on sleep or tend to those who need me in my most conscious state?

i think it's time for a priority check.

October 12, 2007

If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I'm about to do today?

Day in review: Didn't go to xcountry practice (legs are cramping); napped for six hours this afternoon; woke up feeling fresh as ever and got all my stuff done pretty efficiently =); mom made falafels for dinner!

Music: Starting to gain an appreciate for some old-school Jay-Z

In Steve Jobs' commencement address at Stanford in 2005, he said the following:

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

I read this speech a couple of days ago, and I think it justifies what I want to do in the blog from now on.

I've screwed a lot of my relationships up in the last few years, usually by being an asshole and making fun of somebody or doing something stupid. I'm really bad with confrontation because my ego won't let me take the blame for something, so I'm never really good with approaching a person and telling them that I'm sorry for being a jerk. Sooo, I thought I'd start apologizing for the screwups I didn't get to apologize for earlier in the day (I don't think I'll use names, but the people I've affected will know the apologies are directed towards them). I just hate having the weight of something negative on me. The way I look at it, this will let me start each day on a blank tablet, without concern for the previous one.

Not to sound crazy or anything, but come to think of it, something could happen to any of us at any given moment, so if I were to get into an accident of sorts, I wouldn't want to leave a relationship on bad terms. So obviously, the ideal situation would be to never get into fights/arguments, but that's unrealistic. The next best option is to resolve disputes as soon as possible.

Yeah, I don't really know where I was going with that, BUT I think you'd get the point by now; I just couldn't find any way to wrap up this post. I'm off to bed now. Much love.

October 4, 2007

the best response is none at all

so despite all the burdens i have on my shoulders that came with the package of junior year, i've been trying to be a lot more positive than i've been in the past (except for that last sentence). i get into a lot of petty arguments with the people i talk to most often during the school day and at home, so what i'm trying to do is whenever i see a conversation or relationship in general headed in the wrong direction, i try to pause and think about whether it's really worth the trouble.

i experimented with this a bit today, and the day just ran a lot smoother. i noticed a lot of potential arguments that i normally would've pursued just to end up triumphant, but it's just unnecessary and stressful.

i spoke to this guy once, deepak jain, and though i thought he'd be like any other indian dad and just talk about how things were done in india, i listened to him. surprisingly, he was very american, very modern, and he related to the current generation very well. he said something along the lines of "the best response to anger is silence. you'll never repent for your silence," and i think that's a really brilliant statement.

you might think that's obvious and easy to do, but you'll be surprised how tough it is, but once you get it down, it's really satisfying.

October 3, 2007

"Find out what it means to me"

I talked to the middle school xcountry coach for a short bit, and since I was out of the middle school, she had no problem telling me what she really thought of her runners. Teachers never really talk to me in a completely blunt manner regarding students, so this was the first time I heard one saying that a bunch of her runners "sucked," or that she could beat them in a race on crutches. Whenever one of her runners would start slacking, or even worse, walking, she'd get really pissed off, and I'd feel terrible, and I suddenly realized that classes are a teachers' life. Being stuck with a crappy class is really the worst way to spend your year.

So I reflected a little bit, and I figured that I might try to be a better student because, to be completely honest, I'm such an asshole in class. Not that I intentionally make things difficult for the teacher, but I talk a lot when I finish my work early. I talk a lot even when I don't finish my work. I bother them with unnecessary requests and questions. I don't make the slightest effort to make their lives any easier, so I think I'm going to do that. Teachers deserve a lot more respect than they get, and I think a student really just needs to hear the teacher's point of view, straight out and uncensored, to understand the extent to which they really need respect from their students.

I'm sure few of you cared much about that spiel, but I was just thinking about it, so I wrote it down.

October 2, 2007

Why am I blogging?

I thought about it recently, and I noticed that whenever I tell myself that I'm going to do something, I never do it. When I tell other people, I force myself into doing whatever it may be just for the sake of proving myself. It's bad that I do things to prove myself to other people, but it keeps me going.

I don't really know why else I made this blog other than to procrastinate studying for my biology test, but I figure whenever I'm bored, I'll write whatever I'm thinking.

I've been thinking a lot about will power recently, and I want to see how far I can go in restricting myself to a healthy diet, so my first vow (for lack of better word) is that I'm going to go raw foodist from October 14 until November 1. If you care to know what that means, check out welikeitraw.com.

UPDATE July 28, 2008: I never followed through with my vow. I did it for 18 hours on October 14 and failed because I didn't read enough into what the lifestyle actually entailed. Thinking back, the hurdle that tripped me up most was that I considered the diet a restriction. It's not about willpower. It's about how much you can stand feeling good all the fucking time. I love it.