So my brother woke up and my parents came home, and I feel really weird talking to a computer screen when they're around because every time I've done it, someone has walked into the room, I've bugged out, and I've lost my train of thought because I keep thinking of being walked in on. The point is that I'm converting what would have been a vlog to a blog because I have yet to rid myself of that self-consciousness.
How often do we stop ourselves from fully sharing our thoughts, perspectives, emotions, or ideas? How often do we shy from wearing our hearts on our sleeves? How often do we think that doing just that would be a bad thing?
I think it's really important to share yourself with the people around you. It's more important to talk about the way you see it (whatever "it" may be) instead of other people, instead of absurd drama and gossip and other negative-energy radiating topics you don't really need to involve yourself in. Most of us are too scared of judgment because we continually think that our thoughts aren't mainstream enough or that they aren't good enough. It's crucial to (1) forgive yourself for whatever negative energy you've drawn to yourself by thinking that you're not good enough to overcome judgment and (2) love yourself.
Some may call it narcissistic, but I can't love anyone truly until I love myself, and right now, I love myself. You know what that allows me to do? It allows me to share myself with all of you, knowing some of you won't like what I have to say, some of you will love it, and some of you will not really care, but no matter what, I'll still be perfectly content with my state at the moment. Of course, I always aim to improve in one way or another, but that comes with great satisfaction with how I roll at the moment. That might not make much sense unless you actually experience what I'm talking about, but hopefully you can relate to it on some level.
With that love for thyself, you can understand a important concept -- that you are not your emotions. You don't identify with your ideas, perspectives, or thoughts. All of those things are temporary, impermanent. Upon that understanding, we can all truly grasp the fact that we should share these things, further confirming their impermanent nature. I think sharing is the easiest way to let things go/detach from them and also open others' eyes to new things. Who you are is not the way you feel -- your emotions, ideas, beliefs, whatever -- at the time. Those things just are what you're most present to at the given moment. Once you love who you are, generally, you can understand that all that other stuff is temporary. Share it, let someone else gain from it as you grow from it and become something better than what you once were, and love every moment of it. But don't, for a second, believe that you aren't good enough, that you are subject to judgment and should therefore not share. The moment that you believe any of that is when progress comes to a halt.
Love you (and myself),
January 10, 2009
Posted by Ankit at 12:28 AM