Recently, I've thought a lot about the social system that exists in my life. I'd say my friends vary along a very wide spectrum, for I try really hard not to stick to one clique. I like to talk to different people all the time, and in doing so, I think I get to incorporate a wide range of views in my daily thinking.
My good friend Ashley vented in her AIM profile discussing her thoughts on a similar topic, and I don't think I could convey it any better, so here it is:
i've been thinking of all the people i've become friends with and all the people i used to be friends with. it's incredible the scope of people that i have met and then of the people that i might never. it's incredible that because i take my friends for granted, losing one that i was not all that fond of seems like a miniscule issue, or perhaps it's the complete opposite. i mean, i have more to take his or her place. but isn't it kind of scary to think that i will never ever have the same conversations, funny moments, and tragedies as i have had with that one friend who i have lost? all the people that i used to talk to, all those people who i have had humongous, deep, conversations, the type of conversations that i strive to have with everybody, that the interaction i have with them can never be replicated? and that if i lose them as a friend, i will never be able to have those experiences with anybody else except for them. because no matter how much every single person in the world seems like a clone of another, they are all individuals. some are more unfortunate than others, burdened with the weight of wanting to be something they wanting, striving to become people they cannot be, hoping they can replace somebody in somebody's life. it is impossible to be friends with everybody, but pathetic not to try. or is it more pathetic to try? to make yourself likeable in every aspect, looks, personality, speaking intonations? then don't you transform from an individual that other individuals could connect with into a shadow that everybody sees and realizes is there, but cannot get close to? i guess that could mean that the boundaries and lines of groups and cliques that people wish could disintegrate are necessary. Because without them people cannot be unique. Or perhaps they are too unique. If you think about all the cliches and stereotypes people place on others based on their appearance, instead of wanting to break past those names and labels, people just want to flock to others where they do not feel different. Why would you ever want to be the same as anybody else? Would it not feel suffocating? Stuck in a rut of unchanging and unflinching conformity? But then the paradox comes of being different just because you dont want to be the same. If everybody is different, they are still all the same. Basically things are the way they are because they work the best that way. And to question them is to add unnecessary conflict to circumstances that have already been dissected to their current stage. Maybe this is the best weve got. Maybe striving for better will only make it turn into a cyclenever ending and never changing. Whatever you choose, nothing will happen.I'm a little busy at the moment (11/1/07, 7:21 PM), but hopefully tomorrow or some time this weekend, I'll elaborate a little more on my thoughts of that. Between now and then, I'd recommend checking out what she wrote.
24 comments:
i heart aankitttt
i'm sorry you think that. maybe i do think i have a lot going for me, but that's only because i take my life on from that standpoint and i try to get everything to work out for me. you may see that as me being arrogant, but i like to think of it more as optimism.
i understand that you're clearly not happy with me for reasons i'm unaware of, but if you want, i'd like to talk to you (whoever you are) about it and help you make a more informed judgment of who i am.
i can easily make plenty of judgments about your character through that comment, but i won't because i'm sure it wouldn't do you any justice.
have a great day! hope no arrogant, hypocritical assholes get in your way because that would be a shame.
some might think of me as a bastard, but all i know is i'm no gandhi. i'm probably aware of why you're unhappy with me, but i'd like to know who you are so i know who you are. i could talk to you and maybe i could convert those second thoughts to a completely new sentiment.
you don't have to, but it'd be nice if you shot me an email (a.shah811@gmail.com). much love.
no. i think id rather speak to you face to face.
sorry if my first comment offended you but you even said in your "about me" that you appreciate honesty no matter how brutal. (i think i was brutal enough)
and its going to take a lot of explaining to turn those second thoughts into a new sentiment. i will, however, be willing to listen when the time comes.
when the time comes, come see me.
now, i don't know if you're the same anonymous as before, so i'll acknowledge you as if you're another person.
i'm sorry you think i'm an asshole. i truly am. i know many who have plenty going for them and are less arrogant than i am. i admire these people. it may not be completely evident, but trust me, i do make an effort to rid myself of the arrogance i have because i am well aware of it.
if we were to talk, i wouldn't try to convince you that i'm not arrogant or rude, for what you think of me is what you think of me. one conversation won't change that. however, i care to talk to these anonymous people to learn of why they think i am what they think i am. i know that in most cases, it's very difficult to get people to change their views, but i would like to understand them more than anything.
the reason i don't delete these comments and pretend like i never read them is because i use them to learn a little more about myself through other people's comments about me.
and finally, it's really my place to decide whether i have the time or the "guts" to discuss anything with anyone, so thank you for being presumptuous but it'd be appreciated if you did that some place else.
and fyi, if i didn't care to talk about of this, i wouldn't bother responding, so if you have the time or the guts, contact me and we can talk it out (a.shah811@gmail.com).
much love.
oh man. you caught me. damn. you're good man. real good.
as a matter of fact, i LOVE wasting my time to catch others' attentions and impress them with my poetry and my maturity.
you know, if school didn't get in the way so much, i'd probably dedicate my life to building up my appearance to others because that's obviously the most important thing in life.
thanks for dethroning me as a saint because i really thought i had everyone fooled.
Im actually pretty upset with these ananoymous comments.
I want to know which of you have done more for the world than he has before you denounce him. Which of you has organized more assemblies, donated more, or sacrificed more of your own lives to a cause.
My question is: If someone is trying to better the world, why are you trying to shoot him down? Worse than that, you're basing all your comments on opinons of someone you obviously don't know completely.
Before you put down someone who's simply trying to help, think about how much he's done. Before you start to condescend, think about where you really stand in comparison.
And God sakes have the conviction to put a name behind your comments.
Anonymous*
first anonymous speaking here.
amit, im not judging ankit based on what others said. i just felt the need to express my anger at him for what he did to me. i just intended my comment to serve as some type of "eye-opener" for him. i did not want this whole feud to start on his blog. this has nothing to do with how much he donated to charity (which is pretty nice of him but i also donate to causes too).
maybe my first comment was really brutal but i did apologize for it.
and as for ankit, i really hope you were being sarcastic in the last comment you posted.
i think the first anonymous is probably the most open minded person here (aside from amit, whom i thank very much). he/she has all the right to express him/herself the way he/she did.
yes i was being sarcastic.
and i still hold out my hand to you, for i do want to talk to you personally. email me if you're comfortable with that (a.shah811@gmail.com).
much love.
you anonymous' are gay, and one of you is probs michelle chen who is obesessed with spelling her name with an s to be cool.
that's not cool, it's dumb.
hmm, i dont think your comment is much of an insult. i am not a homosexual but there is nothing wrong with gays.
and how does replacing a "c" with an "s" suddenly make a person dumb. you obviously havent witnessed enough stupidity in your life (or maybe you have. depending on the number of times you've looked in the mirror)
can we please stop the public harassment? really, nobody ever deserves to be treated that way.
if anybody has a problem with ankit or anybody, just talk to them privately?
oh man. cmon anonymous there's no need to hate. I mean, sure he likes to harass guys every now and then. but hey, he's still a great guy. maybe you're a little jealous.
which anonymous are you speaking to?
which ever one is hating on ankit. I dunno if that's one of you or both of you. whoever it is, why don't you go use your time to do something helpful? only you can make the difference in the world. and hating on ankit won't get you anywhere in life.
uh. ok...this is mi"s"helle "chen" and i'm not this anonymous person. i didn't know about this blog until today, so don't accuse me of anything, and you're obviously a dumbass for spending so much time writing on a blog that isn't even yours.
well im the first anonymous. not the second or third one. and im not "hating on ankit". just letting him no that everyone in the world doesnt love him.
but i actually agree with u very much. i shudnt b wasting my time like this.
and no, i am not jealous. farthest thing from jealous.
notice how this is a comment for the BLOG, not commenting one as an individual.
for all haters, we don't need arrogant people, so if you have nothing nice to say, especially on this public post, then just keep the brutal comments to yourself. and if you have to let ankit know how you feel- be mature about it and say it in person, or one on one via aim.because you just humiliate yourself and nothing gets resolved this way.
have an AWESOME day.
PLEASE READ THIS WHOLE THING IF YOU WERE INVOLVED IN THE COMMENTS OF THIS POST. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.
guys, initially this started off as a response to the actual post, where the first anonymous disagreed with a point i made.
then it kind of took a wrong turn when people just thought to insult me randomly, and i followed it partially because i wanted to know more about what was inducing this hatred even though it wasn't relevant to the post, so i guess that was my fault. however, i did ask all these anonymouses to email me, whether it be from a newly created email address simply for anonymity or whatever; i could care less. i just wanted to get away from the public forum to discuss these things. that was the anonymous's problem -- not being able to email me and escape the public forum.
now it's simply people talking about how stupid the anonymouses are or little petty things. i promised myself not to delete any comments from the blog, so i ask all of you to please do me a favor: keep your comments here constructive and relevant. "i HATE ankit he's arrogant he thinks he's better than he is" is not constructive nor is it relevant to the posting.
however, i still do care for your opinions. if you anonymouses still care to hate on me, love me, or whatever you want to do anonymously that isn't relevant to the post, email me. to maintain your anonymity (and i don't know how well this'll work out, but i'm giving it a shot), i created an email for you: hiankittt@gmail.com. the password is "anonymous123". all of you can use that to email me at a.shah811@gmail.com. i really do want your comments. people might call me crazy, but this hate is really something i want to know about. i mean, i obviously don't know who's hating, but i'd like to know why nonetheless.
my arrogance, my work for charity, my sainthood, my rudeness, the gayness of the anonymouses, and the meaning of the word gay all don't have anything to do with this blog.
my intentions with the blog, my hypocrisy, my ability/willingness to meet new people all have to do with this blog.
aside from all this, even if the comments were relevant, i acknowledge the anonymouses' desire to remain hidden, but it is certainly juvenile and cowardly, almost, to hide behind your computer screens to criticize me. i'd greatly appreciate if the anonymouses fessed up their identities to me or publicly on this blog. if you really care at all for me ending my dickheadedness, my terrible actions towards you, or whatever else it may be, you'd tell me who you were so i could work on it according to how i've screwed up with you.
i mean, i hate to admit it, but i AM, in fact, a human. i do make mistakes. i have hurt many people in the past. all these posts about self-improvement and things of that nature have all sprouted from a lot of introspection i've done over the last 5 months. i had some almost life-changing experiences over the summer that have caused me to take a new perspective on a lot of things, and the result of that is what i'm posting here. i'm still in the process of incorporating these changes, but by no means have i done it yet. i preach and i preach, but my practices will (hopefully) reveal themselves later. for now, i preach for everyone to consider what i've written and almost incorporate it into their lifestyles if they agree with me and can do it more fluidly than i can. as sajeeb said, what we need is more love in the world, and to add to that, we need more openness. if you all could be more open and maybe i've said something that'll facilitate that openness, i'll think i've done a good job with my blog because that really is my purpose, along with simply sharing my thoughts and venting every so often.
i understand that the world doesn't love me. contrary to what seems to be popular belief, i am not gandhi. i am not a saint. i'm no where near that class of dignitaries, nor do i think this blog will bring me closer to it. i share my views on this blog in what i intend on being a humble manner. i don't mean to sound as if i'm on some far off level. i simply want to bring about my views on things i don't think are focused on heavily enough in a lot of people's minds.
i'm kind of rambling now, and i can't really see what i've said and haven't said already because this comment box is small, but i think you all know where i'm getting at.
IF YOU HAVE BEEN INVOLVED IN THIS POST'S COMMENTS, I REALLY HOPE YOU READ THIS COMMENT IN ITS ENTIRETY.
if you ever finished reading this post, thank you for your time.
much love to all who've supported me, for all who have criticized me, and for all who have advised me on how to even approach a lot of the concerns on this blog.
have a kickass day.
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